The Weird Exploits of Falco, Marth, and Bowser
by Kal Ancalas
Summary: A direct parody of the Fox, Roy, and Yoshi series. In this story, Falco, Marth, and Bowser are looking for cash. The trouble is, all of their pathetic attempts fail. [Not a oneshot as promised]


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The Weird Exploits of Falco, Marth, and Bowser

By Kal Takane Veras

Author's Note: I could post this author's note as the first chapter, but I know some of you are getting tired of that.

Well, read my bio if you haven't already, because it's been updated with new stuff. Fun.

I will say it again. No matter how much you plead, this story will most likely not become another series. If it, by some incredible once-in-a-lifetime chance, does continue, that will not happen until, say, December. If you believe this rumor, please review and if you wish hard enough (and give me a tribute of an ice-cream cone) your wish MIGHT (I stress the word might) be granted.

The next Fox, Roy, and Yoshi story hasn't been started yet, but it should come out in roughly two weeks.

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I would like you to take a moment of silence for those that perished in the September 11 terrorist attacks four years ago, and to remember those that sacrificed themselves trying to save others during that terrible disaster. Those people may be gone, but they will never be forgotten. Thank you.

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The Characters

Falco: A surly bird who has a laser gun. His stuff is always getting stolen, somehow. Apparently, he dislikes everything that is small and cute. Please do not get on his bad side.

Marth: A really handsome blue-haired prince who has a sword. Somehow, he has a large number of rabid fangirls surrounding him at all times. (Not in bed, you sick people.) For some reason, he can't stand anything dirty. Don't get on his bad side either. (You'll find out what it feels like to get assaulted by 50 rabid fangirls.)

Bowser: The infamous cholesterol thief that once stole a donut bazooka and killed 400 innocent donuts. He is a sucker for anything that has been known to cause massive coronaries. He is armed with a spiky shell, some seriously sharp claws, and a breath that smells like burned sh-

"Ok, ok, we get the point!" someone yells.

Whatever. Just don't get on his bad side.

Fox: A close friend of Falco. (Of course, if Falco ever found out who was nicking his stuff, the "friend" part would soon disappear.) He also has a laser gun.

Roy: See Marth. This guy, however, has red hair and doesn't mind being dirty.

Yoshi: A green talking dinosaur. He has the ability to eat anything and everything. Also has a few fans out there somewhere.

"GO YOSHI!" some people in the background yell. Then the fangirls supporting Marth get over there and start a big war. Roy's fangirls see this too and join in the fight. Well, so much for them following anyone around anymore.

Mr. Game and Watch: A flat character that can pull out things from thin air and cook some food. He is on friendly terms with Fox, Roy, and Yoshi, but doesn't have any fans. (Except me.) G&W may not be a regular character in my stories, but since he's my favorite character, he'll make a few appearances now and then.

Mario, Peach, Luigi, DK, Dr. Mario, Captain Falcon, Ganondorf, Ness, Samus, the Ice Climbers, Kirby, Zelda, Link, Young Link, Pikachu, Pichu, Jigglypuff: Other insignificant smashers that are just there for plot filler. Just ignore them.

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Falco was reading "Machines 'n Stuff" and eating potato chips in his room when he noticed a full page color advertisement.

"Do you want to own something completely necessary for survival?" the ad declared.

"No." Falco said blithely, turning the page. Another ad was waiting for him.

"Do you want to own something that is a complete waste of money?" the ad proclaimed.

"Yes!" Falco said, quickly reading the page.

**Would you like to have everything you ever wanted in one small package? Now you can, with the brand-new Ultimate Pocket Entertainment System! With a push of a button, you can get a TV, a DVD player, a built-in Game Cube, a flashlight, a built-in security system, and a waterbed!**

"Waterbed?" Falco asked, a little confused.

**User provides water.**

"Oh." said Falco. He continued to read.

**Send a self-addressed and stamped envelope with your payment and we will send you your Ultimate Pocket Entertainment System in 6 to 8 weeks! Only costs $9999.99! Also pay $2.01 shipping and handling.**

"That's 10002 dollars." Falco said, doing the math inside his head. "No problem. I have just that much money in my savings account." He called the bank and asked for his balance.

"Mr. Falco Lombardi, your account balance is 0 dollars and 0 cents."

"What! But I know I had at least 10002 dollars in there!"

"I believe that your account may have been electronically hacked into."

"But, you'll refund it, won't you? You promised to insure me against identity theft!"

"This isn't identity theft, it's just theft. We are sorry for any inconvenience." The clerk hung up.

"Who would want to steal my money?" pondered Falco. "Fox knows my code…but he owns Microsoft and Dunkin' Donuts. He doesn't need 10002 dollars…" (Confused? Read Fox, Roy, Yoshi 2: 60 Bombs for more info.)

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"Yes!" Pikachu cheered when he received a package in the mail. "Using money I stole from a random bank account, I got my very own Ultimate Pocket Entertainment System!" He unwrapped the package. "Now, I'll play some Super Smash Bros. Melee!"

"Can I try the waterbed?" Pichu asked.

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Marth and Bowser were watching a show on TV.

"We'll return to Sesame Street right after these messages!" the announcer declared.

"That show was awful." Marth said. "That Cookie Monster is SUCH a slob. How could he just stuff a poor innocent cookie into his mouth and then get all of it onto the camera?"

"I think that Elmo's a satanist." Bowser said, picking something out of his ear.

"I'm not going to ask." Marth said coldly. "Let's see the commercials."

**Would you like to have everything you ever wanted in one small package? Now you can, with the brand-new Ultimate Pocket Entertainment System! With a push of a button, you can get a TV, a DVD player, a built-in Game Cube, a flashlight, a built-in security system, and a waterbed!**

"Wow…" Marth and Bowser muttered dreamily.

(Marth's thoughts)

"At last! I have achieved my ultimate goal of propelling the sandbag over one thousand feet!" Marth declared as he played on his Ultimate Pocket Entertainment System.

(Bowser's thoughts)

"The number of the day is 3!" Elmo declared proudly as he stood with a group of smiling children.

"Yeah, Elmo! You just wait when I tell your producers that you're a satanist!" Bowser yelled, stomping on his Ultimate Pocket Entertainment System and breathing fire on it.

**Send a self-addressed and stamped envelope with your payment and we will send you your Ultimate Pocket Entertainment System in 6 to 8 weeks! Only costs $9999.99! Also pay $2.01 shipping and handling.**

"Where are we going to get 10002 dollars?" Marth asked Bowser.

"I am the King of the Koopas! I have one million Mushroom Kingdom coins in my treasury!"

"Excellent." Marth said. "Hey, wait! Your breath smells like burned sh-"

"Ok, ok, let's just go to the bank." Bowser sighed as he dragged Marth along.

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"At today's exchange rate, 1000000 Mushroom Kingdom coins equals…"

"I knew it." Bowser said excitedly.

"$3.23. Thank you for your service." The clerk handed Bowser three dollars and 23 pennies.

"You have swindled the King of the Koopas! You fiend! I assure you, you shall pay dearly when I breathe fire all over your sorry-"

"Dude, get out of line. You're blocking the other customers, and your breath smells like burned sh-"

"Yeah, okay, we'll be going." Marth said as he pushed Bowser out of the bank.

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A sullen-looking Falco tripped over Bowser's foot as he snuck to the kitchen for a snack.

"What are you doing?"

"We just came back from the bank and got $3.23." Marth said bitterly.

"What did you want to buy?"

"An Ultimate Pocket Entertainment System."

"I see. Well, I was trying to get one too, but someone stole the money in my bank account." Falco said. He got out some bread, cheese, ham, lettuce, and tomato and made himself a sandwich. He had it halfway up to his mouth when he had a brilliant idea.

"Let's get the Ultimate Pocket Entertainment System together! Three people can make more money than one!"

"Great idea!" Marth smiled. Then he began to see some of the problems. "How are we going to get 10002 dollars?"

"I dunno." Falco sighed. "But we're sure to scrape it up somehow."

"How are we going to share it?" Marth asked.

"I'll take it from January to April, you take it from May to August, and Bowser can have it from September to December."

"Ok, fine."

"Now for my snack." Falco looked at his plate, only to discover…

"HEY! WHO TOOK MY HAM, LETTUCE, CHEESE, AND TOMATO SANDWICH?"

Bowser let out a belch that smelled like a burnt ham, lettuce, cheese, and tomato sandwich.

"Why do I even bother?" Falco muttered, throwing his plate at the sink. He missed and it broke the faucet.

"Hi." G&W said, coming in. "Oh, the faucet's broken again." G&W took out a hammer and began to hammer something into the pipe. "By the way, Pikachu got a new Ultimate Pocket Entertainment System. He and Pichu are playing with it right now."

"What?" Falco, Marth, and Bowser stared.

"Yep. Okay, someone appears to have thrown a plate at this faucet. I'll just weld this patch over the pipe." G&W took a blowtorch out of his endless pockets and began welding the faucet together. "That'll cost you $3.23. Thanks."

"What? Why should we pay you?"

"Because I fixed the faucet that you so foolishly broke, and I'm also saving for an Ultimate Pocket Entertainment System. Now pay me."

Bowser sighed. He dug his $3.23 out of his pocket and handed it to G&W.

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"We need to get money." Falco said.

"What are we going to do? Sell Girl Scout cookies?"

"…No."

"I have an idea!" Bowser said. "Let's make a lemonade stand!"

Falco and Marth stared at him.

"You have any better ideas?"

"Let's make a lemonade stand."

(Some construction time later)

Falco set the sign in front of their stand. "Ah. Lemonade, only 10002 dollars a glass. This stuff is sure to sell."

A group of kids came to their stand. For some (obvious) reason, they began laughing.

"Hey! We're unemployed people trying to make a buck!" Bowser yelled. "Are you going to buy something?"

"Mister…your breath smells like burned sh-"

Now, as you probably have read, Falco does not like small, cute things. Little kids would qualify as small and cute. Faster than you can say "Eat me," Falco demolished the stand and frightened away all their potential customers.

"Falco! You idiot! We could have made some cash!"

"Let's not do anything that involves small and cute things, okay?" Falco muttered.

"Now what?"

"We'll work at McDonalds!" Bowser said.

"I heard the pay is low." Falco said.

"Who cares?" Marth said. "It's good money."

(A week later.)

"Hello, can I take your order?" Falco said to his customers.

"Yeah. We'd like two Quarter Pounders with some extra fries."

"Bowser! Two quarter pounders! Marth! Extra fries!" Falco yelled.

"I'll try something different this time." Bowser said. He breathed his fire breath over the burgers, instantly cooking them.

"Now it's actually fast food." Bowser said. He threw the burgers to Falco, who caught them and put them on a tray.

Meanwhile, Marth was at his French fry station with no fries left. "Oh, dear me. What shall I do?" Marth wondered. His eyes fell on some frozen potatoes. His eyes then fell on his sword.

"Idea." Marth smiled. A minute later, Marth was serving up fresh fries, which he tossed to Falco.

"Now for the drink." Falco said. He slid across the room, got two cups of soda, and ran over to his tray. Unfortunately, some irate jerk had thrown a ketchup pack on the floor. Guess what? Falco stepped on it.

Falco didn't slip and fall, if you were wondering. Instead, the ketchup exploded, splattering the customers with ketchup. Chaos ensued.

"Sorry!" Falco yelled, rushing to help. He started pulling out napkins and handing them to random people. Unfortunately, the cups of soda he had been holding earlier had to go somewhere. And guess where they went? They landed on the floor and exploded, sending soda and carbon dioxide everywhere. Now what happens? Food fight!

"What's going on?" the manager asked, sticking his head out. His question was answered when a Double Quarter Pounder smashed him in the face.

What followed next would dramatically raise the rating of this story and therefore, shall not be shown.

(Later)

"I can't believe the manager fired us! What a jerk!" Bowser said.

"Well, at least we made 120 dollars for a week of work." Marth said.

"Did any of you know what the manager's words meant?" Falco asked.

"No, but I wrote them down so I can look them up." Bowser said.

Falco sighed. "We'll never earn money at this rate."

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To be continued…

Author's Note: I know you are going to kill me. Yes, I know I said this would be a one-shot, but this was unavoidable. If it makes you feel better, it's 8:08 P.M. and I haven't started an oral presentation that's due for English class tomorrow. You may watch my execution if it pleases you.


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